Different ending to TFIOS
by booklegendsaja
Summary: In my version of TFIOS, Augustus Waters does not die before Hazel Grace.He has cancer that lit him up like a Christmas tree yes, but Hazel Grace dies unexpectedly. This story is his journey getting through her death and facing his own cancer. He is determined to overcome it for Hazel Grace. But the world is not a wish-granting factory.
1. Chapter 1

Her eyes were reflecting the color of the sunset. So beautiful and vibrant. That was the last time I saw her eyes.

Chapter 21

A few hours after my prefuneral I still had a deep ache in well… everywhere. I was sitting up on my "death bed", half of the sheets on the floor from me constantly bending over to throw up, when my phone started to ring. I grabbed it quickly when I saw it was Hazel Grace calling, and banged my elbow in the metal headboard of the bed. I grit my teeth and ended up answering after three rings. I waited for someone to answer. I could hear a distant sobbing in the background but no one said a word on the other line. From that moment, I knew what had happened. It was not Hazel Grace on the other line. But I wouldn't believe it.

"Hazel Grace, are you okay?" I said in a sympathetic voice, trying to stay strong yet noticing my voice crack. The sobbing had turned into hysterics within seconds.

Still no answer.

"Hazel Grace?" I ask.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry Augustus. I'm sorry" the person on the other line started balling.

I drop the phone and start to shake. I start to feel my eyes well up with tears because

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENEING.

Chapter 22

The world is not a wish-granting factory. I cannot have everything in this world. I may have cancer but I am still any other teenage boy. Hazel Grace was considered a hopeless young teenage girl with cancer. Not in my eyes. In my eyes she was a beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful, tear –jerking girl and my life will never be the same without her. I feel like I am nothing now. But I am still yet to believe she is gone.

I am so confused. How can she be gone. She was doing well on the medicine. She had a few years, as the doctors said. I thought she would overcome the cancer. I knew she would. I was supposed to be gone before her. I was supposed to make the odds in her favor.

I am still sitting on my death bed, waiting for the tears to fall. I know that when they do, I won't be able to stop. I remember everything we did together, every moment we shared. I remember going to Amsterdam with her and I remember her smile. So bright and grand. I remember her. She didn't care what other people thought. She had this hilarious sense of humor that always made me laugh.

Then I remember what she told me. She told me she would buy me a pack of cigarettes. Now, more than anything in the world, I want her to come and hand me a pack of cigarettes. I want her to say that she loves me, and, GOD DANG IT, I want her to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I would do anything for one more word, one more smile.

That's when I feel the first tear fall.

Chapter 23

I had lost a lot of fluid from crying. That just made my condition much worse. It has been three days since Hazel Grace has passed and I still have not recovered. I try my best not to cry because I know she wouldn't want me to cry. I take the glass of water from my dresser and find it almost empty, just a few drops left. I feel so weak and I'm so ashamed that I can't get my own glass of water, but my throat is on fire.

"Mom" I try to yell but it only comes out in a whisper. My family had left me to sleep and give me some space to think. No one would hear me now.

I drink the last drops of water from the cup and flip it over. I felt drops of water fall on the blanket on top of me, but I didn't care. I find a pen on the dresser next to me and tap the end of it on the glass cup. Not hard enough. I tap it again, harder this time and it makes an audible noise. I do this several times without stopping before someone slams the door open.

"Augustus what happened? Is everything okay? Are you hurt?" my mother opens the light and runs to the side of my bed. She is crazy out of her mind and is on the tip of hyperventilating.

"Mom", I manage to say loud enough for her to hear me over her breathing. "All I needed was a glass of water; I didn't mean to startle you."

"Thank god you're okay. I thought you were hurt. I really should get you a bell labeled, I need water." My mother has been trying to cheer me up since Hazel Grace died but it hasn't been working. When she noticed the hurt on my face she said, "Let me go get you that glass of water." She walked out the door without looking back and I could hear her talking to dad. Must be about me.

Hazel Grace had her funeral today, and I could not attend. Even if I could move, which I am no longer capable of doing, I don't think I would have gone. If I saw Hazel Grace dead, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for not being by her side, for not telling her that everything would be okay. The truth is, no one could be by her side, she died so unexpectedly.

My mother told me that her mother and father once again said sorry. I told my mom to give my respect due to the parents from a note I wrote. I told my mom not to look at it. It was for her own good too, she would break down again if she read the note. It's not very long but I think it represented my respect well. It definitely showed I was grieving.

_Dear Mr. and Mrs. Lancaster,_

_I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. As you know, we had a very close relationship. I loved her very much. I knew she especially loved me. It wrecked my heart when I knew what happened. I still have not recovered and you probably have not either, but I want you to know something. Your daughter was the most amazing, loveable, amusing, and beautiful girl I have ever had the privilege to know and I hope you know that. Your daughter was strong and got us all through things when we were down. Even though she is not here to tell us a joke, we can remember the good times. Most of all, I know she would want us to remember that we couldn't do anything to fix this, that it wasn't our fault. She would want us to stop beating ourselves up because we thought we could help. She would want us to know that we did everything right, that we were there for her. I am trying to stop beating myself up and you should to. I am once again sorry for your loss and that I could not attend the funeral. I will never forget Hazel Grace._

_Sincerely,_

_Augustus Waters_

_TO BE CONTINUED_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 24**

I can hear footsteps coming up the stairs. They stop right in front of the door when something hits it. Like a stick. Two knocks.

" Augustus?" someone asks from behind the door.

Issac.

I haven't seen him since the prefuneral. I had talked to him on the phone earlier today, but it's different in person. We still hadn't talked about Hazel Grace.

I hear the door handle creak open and watch as a dark shadowed figure comes through the door. The lights weren't on, but there was enough light from the open blinds to see in front of you.

"Gus, you in here?"

"Yeah, where else would I go?" I say in the loudest voice I could, which is not very loud by the way. The words came out in a very scratchy way, kind of like nails going across a chalkboard.

"Right, forgot. I just don't really like seeing my best friend like this, that's all. Anyway, I got the book. Talk," he says nonchalantly," I need to find you."

"Over hear knuckle-head."

He followed exactly what I said until I said stop. He ended up right by my bedside. Up close, his hair was a mess, each section of hair going in a different direction. His face was pale as a ghost and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"You okay?" I asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. So her parents gave me the book, I'm not exactly sure if it's the one you wanted though." Issac handed him the book and shrugged.

"Yeah, An Imperial Affliction. This is it." I inspected the book and felt tears coming back to my eyes, but I blinked them away. I turned to the last page of the book and went down to the last sentence. The sentence that was never completed. The sentence that took us to Amsterdam.

I heard Isaac stifle a sob.

"It's not fair"Isaac sat down, starting to cry.

" I know buddy, it's not fair. That's why we have to defeat cancer."

"Screw cancer" Isaac said managing one last sentence before breaking down.

I wish I could get up and help Issac get through this, pat him on the back and tell him everything would be okay. But really, it wouldn't be okay and they both knew that.

My mom came in through the open door." Are you alright?" she asked, not really to one specific person.

Issac completely broke down right there in front of us, it reminded me of _the Night of the Broken Trophies_. My mom grabbed a Kleenex box and passed it to Isaac.

"What's that?" she inquired, looking at the book in my hand. She looked completely calm even with a blind teenage boy crying his eyes out right in front of her.

"An Imperial Affliction, Hazel Grace's book."

" Oh honey, is that why he's breaking down?"

"Yeah, I was gonna talk to him about it, but I don't think I can anymore."

I suddenly started to feel dizzy, like I desperately needed to find ground. Every sound around me muffled, and the edges of my vision went black. I could hear someone screaming my name, but it was too late.

**Chapter 25**

I open my eyes and find myself in an enclosed box, completely white. I look around. No doors, or windows. I stand up. I stand up? Where am I. Is this a dream?I take a step forward. Okay, this is definitely not real. I hear dripping coming from behind me. I turn around and don't believe what I see.

"Hazel Grace?" I say, too surprised to move. I take a look at her. I stop at her hand. Red. Her hand is dripping blood, but from where. Blood kept flowing out, like she had an endless supply.

" It's okay, Augustus. I know now that you're not an ax murderer." the side of her lip curled up in a smile when she finished talking.

"Hazel Grace, you're bleeding" I don't know how but I managed to get the words out of my mouth.

She looked down at her hand. Her smile quickly faded away. She started breathing hard, holding her wrist tight. Her other hand started bleeding, blood gushing out from nowhere.

"I'm coming just don't move." I try to move forward but hit something like a wall. I look in her direction. There was no wall. She had started to shake.

"Help me!" she yelled just as her ears started to bleed.

I got up and tried to run forward again,but found my hands held back against the invisible wall. I banged against it.

"AUGUSTUS HELP ME!" she cried as tears poured down her face. She fell to her knees and screamed.

"HAZEL GRACE!" I was screaming but there was no use. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I looked away as she became a bloody mess, and heard her screams as I woke up.

_TO BE CONTINUED_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 26**

I wake up frightened, breathing so hard I think my lungs might explode. I try to remember what just happened. My mind is completely blank. I take a look around the room. I'm not at home. White sheets, white tile, white popcorn ceiling. I look to my right. An IV is hooked up to my right arm, the area around the needle purple. That shouldn't be good. The door in front of the bed I lay in slowly opens and I watch as somebody tall, at least 6 feet, withe very broad shoulders walks in. A doctor, I presumed, since his uniform had more of the doctor's look. Usually the nurses have interesting prints or different colored uniforms.

" You look much better." he says solemnly.

" Excuse me, doctor-

"Nurse," he corrects me.

I look at his name tag. Nurse Jano Halker. I clear my throat.

"Nurse Jano, what happened to me?"

"Well, your friend Isaac happened to be crying his eyes out right in front of you, which brought your blood pressure up. You were also overwhelmed with emotion from the loss of you girlfriend."

"The book"

"Yeah it made you bring back old memories and quickened your heartbeat. After that, you fainted and you were brought here."

"I don't remember thinking about old memories though. I was too caught up with Isaac balling."

"It's actually pretty interesting how you still remember what happened before you fainted."

"How long will I be staying here?"

"Over night, we still have some tests to run, but you're surprisingly doing better than you were before all of this, well you know. You should be out of here and back home in the morning."

"Only one night?" I asked confused. I am doing that well?

"Yep. Well, I'm going to leave you to sleep, but I'll be back soon. Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine, I guess."

"There is water on the nightstand next to you if you need some. Also, a button is behind you, push it if you need help." and with that he walked out of the room, closing the door slowly behind him.

All I could think about was her. Her face, her eyes. Her eyes. I was stuck on her eyes. They were grey when I thought about them now, bland. As a matter of fact, I couldn't remember anything about her now. What is happening to me? I'm too tired to think. I shift my head to the right and close my eyes. I should rest. Nurses orders.

**Chapter 27**

One long hallway until I'm there. Outside. My dad is pushing me in my wheel chair, my nephews running around me in a circle. I haven't been outside for a while.

The automatic doors slide open and I get pushed out onto the cement. All I see is beauty. Flowers, grass, the sun shining down in mid July. Fresh air was the best part. I felt so alive and open. Well, I mean until we got to the car and all. That was a hassle. Getting me to sit down and trying to fit the wheelchair in the back.

"When is the next time I'll be outside?"

"When you get out of the car to go back to your wonderful room." my dad says with a smile on his face.

"Yeah, the room of shame and misery, you know what I mean."

"Actually,"my moms face drains of all emotion," today. We are going to Hazel's grave."

I look at them sitting in the front. I feel my eyes bulge out of their sockets.

"No. NO, I'm not ready for this."

"Honey, you have to go, it's apart of the grieving stage."

"Mom, I just came out of the hospital, all going to the grave would do is make my health worse."

"You're doing a lot better than you were before, and I think it's time."

I take a deep breath in."I just don't know if I can do this."

"Well, whenever you ready. I don't want to push you to do anything you really don't want to do."

My dad started the car up and looked back at me. He stared at me a second too long, and it seemed like he was mad. I knew he wasn't but it made me look away instantly.

Once we got home, my parents helped put me back on my death bed in I believe the most depressing room in all of Indiana. My mom made me some chicken noodle soup. I gulped it up like water. It feels like I haven't eaten in days.

I have made a decision. I am going to see Hazel Grace's grave. I am afraid of what will happen, but my parents were right. I have to go sooner or later. I still have some things I need to say to Hazel Grace. I have a feeling this will be the first and last time I will visit her grave. Might as well do it while my health was doing better than usual.

My mother walks in. She looks at me and sighs." Sweetheart, you don't have to do this."

"Mom, you don't have to talk me into doing this"

"I know I just really want you to-

"I've decided I'm going. I think I have to do this, even if I'm not ready."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I think. I've been thinking about it and I'm afraid if I don't do this now, I won't get the chance."

There was a moment of silence. I decided to break it.

"Death suit," I say in a low shaken voice." I want to wear my death suit."

I see a tear slide down on my moms face, and I look away. My mom immediately walks out of the room, not wanting me to see her cry. She was too late though. I knew exactly where she went. She went to get my death suit.

I'm pushed into the graveyard, feeling the wait of the world on my chest. I couldn't help but forget to breathe. We had to drive all the way to the back of the graveyard to get to her grave. I don't like the feeling of this place. It's like my heart fell to the very pit of my stomach. Her grave was not to far from our car, so we didn't have to "walk" very far to get there. As my father turns me to face her grave my heart stops.

_Hazel Grace Lancaster_

_1996-2012_

_Hazel Grace Lancaster will always_

_be close to or hearts. We will never_

_forget her._

I didn't notice the tears running down my face until I finished reading. I decided to say something so my parents wouldn't worry.

"How did her tombstone come so fast?"

"Special order," his dad answered." They didn't want to wait to represent there daughter as someone who left a mark on the world."

"Hey, um, can you guys give me some space." I had a feeling if I hadn't said that, they would never leave.

"Oh, yeah sure, we'll be in the car. We'll be back in a little bit." she gave me a small, sympathetic smile, and tugged my dad's arm so he would follow. They went to the car without looking back.

I cleared my throat and took a deep breath.

"Hazel Grace, you told me one day that you loved me. From the day I met you, I fell in love with you. When I saw your eyes shining and mouth grinning when you looked at me, I knew you loved me too. But it felt so great to hear it out loud, to know that the world did not give up on me. I still remember that eulogy you wrote me, and I want to tell you that it gave me hope. You gave me hope. You made me feel like we could both defeat cancer once and for all. But, Hazel Grace, this world is not a wish-granting factory. And dang it I wish it was. _There is just one more thing, one more thing, one more miracle. Hazel Grace, for me don't be dead. Would you do that just for me? Just stop it. Stop this."_

6


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 28

I left An Imperial Affliction with Hazel Grace. Right before we left her grave, I placed it right next to the flowers my parents had put there earlier. I felt like she needed it. She was always reading it. It sort of became apart of her, the book.

I looked down at the folded wheelchair next to my bed. It was leaning against the nightstand like it had been there for a century. At that moment, I knew what I wanted to do. It was 2 in the morning, but I wasn't going to sleep tonight, and I knew it. That's why I had turned on the lamp next to my bed the second my mom left the room to let me sleep.

I reached down to grab the wheelchair, but failed and ended up stretching my hand way beyond where it should have stretched. When I pulled it back to my chest, it was numb and ached. The only way to get to the wheelchair was if I was on the floor. This was going to hurt, but before I could think about it too much, I had already swung my leg over the edge of the bed. My leg was so sore it immediately bent at my knee and touched the floor. Crack. Just what I need, a numb leg.

I slowly started inching closer to the edge of the bed, not realizing I was about to fall until it happened. My whole body fell to the floor with a thump. A loud thump. I prayed to God that my parents were already asleep, in a very deep sleep, and that they didn't hear my fall. I was too worried about getting caught and forgot for a second that I had just fallen. I started to feel a sharp pain dig into my muscles, like daggers stabbing me everywhere without stopping to wipe the blood off. I tried not to scream as hard as possible, and my voice ended up making a low weird moaning sound.

I tried to push the pain away and grab the wheelchair, but my eyes are to blurry with tears and I can barley see. I blinked until my sight got better, not minding the black in the edges of my vision. I tried again to grab the wheelchair, and succeeded. I moved closer to the bed so there was enough room to unfold it. Once I got it unfolded, I grabbed on to the armrests and pushed up with all my might. I almost went blind because of the pain. I kept pushing up until I got my butt in the chair, and then pushed my feet onto the footrest. I needed to stop for a little, regain my strength.

I found a glass of water sitting on the nightstand and gulped it down. Then, I lay back and relax my head, shifting it to the right. My vision started getting better again. I looked at the clock. It was only 2:05. What? That felt like it took a decade.

I decided to start moving again. I pushed the wheels forward with all my might, and tried to push the pain aside. I kept moving forward, faster than I had ever anticipated, and got to the kitchen before I knew it. I headed toward the back door that was next to the sink, and tried to slow down because I had remembered that my parents were asleep. How had they not waken up? I opened the back door and looked at the drop to get onto the porch. At least we didn't have any steps. I tried not to think about it and went on slowly, leaning forward as I dropped down to the porch. I was perfectly fine, surprisingly.

I kept moving until I got to the incline my dad had put in once I started using a wheelchair. That is very convenient. I started going down and watched as the front of the wheel touched the grass. Even though my arms were going to fall off soon, I went faster. I pushed further into the yard and then stopped when I could no longer feel my arms. When I looked around, I was in the exact center. I pushed my feet into the grass and felt alive again.

I took a moment to hear the crickets and feel the grass beneath my toes, to admire the full moon and the stars that made up constellations. Even though I could hear footsteps coming to the porch and someone calling my name, for a moment I felt like I had no worries in the world, no weight on my shoulders. I felt free.


End file.
